Archive for category: Feb

Driving to work one fall morning, watching the leaves fall from the trees, HP started to talk to me about a Season of Change. I was shown the parallel of what happens in nature to what is happening in my recovery.
I saw the beautiful leaves falling from the trees, floating through the air, landing on the ground, and realized, while it was a pleasant memory for me to watch the leaves fall, the tree was going through a Season of Change.
Not long ago those trees were full of leaves, birds, insects, and flowers, standing in full glory. But the leaves had begun to get old, lose the flow of life, and begin to turn colors. While it was beauty to me, it was a little death to that tree.

Further up the road was a tree that had already shed all it’s leaves, stood bare, unprotected, and naked. It no longer was a place of hiding for small animals. Birds or other things that landed on the tree would be in full view for predators. Any “defects” that tree might have are now fully visible without its leaves.

I recalled how I felt after my first 5th step. The things I held onto for so long as my go-to behaviors no longer looked the same, no longer served me, and were beginning to feel like “dead” behaviors I wanted to rid myself of. During Steps 6-7 when I became willing to lay down my defects of character, I remember how naked I felt, how stripped of so much in my world, and really how frozen I became trying to get used to this new feeling.

HP quietly reminded me that those trees are just in a Season of Change and while it looked like the tree was barren, deep inside the cells of that tree, a new look, a new season was forming. Even though I could not see what was happening, before I know it, those trees will start having tiny little buds appear, and as those trees stay connected through their roots to the source of life, their buds will grow and new leaves will begin to form. Soon there will be a tree full of leaves, birds will return, and the cycle will return.

HP showed me the parallel to my life and recovery in those trees:

1. Step 1

   is what was happening behind the scenes as I stood in my disease, full of hiding places.

2. Steps 2 and 3

   are the internal stirring that occurs as fall nears. Things just start changing.

3. Step 4

   is where my former green leaves start to change colors. They go from what I thought was beauty to revealing the details of my activities.

4. Step 5

   all of the leaves on the tree have turned to reveal its true color.

5. Step 6 and 7

   is the stage where my leaves begin to fall from the tree. Where what no longer serves me is removed, making room for new leaves.

6. Step 8 and 9

   is where I do the work, see where my defects have landed over the years, and clean up the leaves that have fallen. As I make my amends, it is as if I am raking up my leaves.

7. Step 10

   allows me to see if I have more leaves to pick up, if anything else has fallen from me.

8. Step 11

   is the inner workings that happen continuously on the inside of the tree, moving nutrients, water and other necessary things through the tree to prepare it for new growth.

9. Step 12

   is when the new buds form by staying connected to their source. Trees in this stage can also begin to have new little trees appear near them from their seeds that have landed on fertile soil. Likewise, as I do service, my new leaves (behaviors) form a natural byproduct: I may drop a seed that helps another.

HP also kept nudging me to research what happens if I were to prematurely pull off all the leaves of a tree in advance….The tree would die. What a reminder that the Universe is in control of when my defects of character fall away, not me. When they are ready and no longer needed, they are removed.

The last four months I have been walking through one of the hardest seasons of my life. In addition to being the recipient of a huge family betrayal, I lost my Dad. I had so many moments where I felt empty, bare, and devoid of life. In those barren moments, I could not depend on my leaves for protection, but rather the roots that are planted into my source where I allowed HP to feed and protect me. I recognize that I am powerless, yet I can be assured that another season is coming. I won’t be in this winter season forever.

A Season of Change can be beautiful if I just wait and do the next indicated thing!

Beth M.